A Case of DW (PETA and the Whale, Cruising Craigslist)

Oh, Netflix. Why must you hate me? Because of Netflix once again messing up my (re)Discovering Disney Project order, I’ve gone FIVE whole days without watching a Disney movie.

I know. It’s official. I’ve got DW, and it’s bad. What’s DW, you ask? Oh, thankfully for you, you’ve never had it. DW is Disney Withdrawals. The lack of happiness, innocence and overall wholesome goodness has left a void in my life that has been temporarily filled with snarkiness and sarcasm. Thus, the following post will be a little different than my usual sunny fare. It’s also a bit hodge-podge, since it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything non-Disney related.

PETA and the Whale(s)
     About a month ago, I read an article that PETA, you know– the crazy people– were suing SeaWorld for using slaves.
     What, you say? Sweet SeaWorld, who over-charges for stuffed whales and coffee mugs? Yes. SeaWorld is being sued for having slaves.
      Who are these slaves?! What madness! How can this go on?
      These slaves are…wait for it… Whales. The orcas that live at SeaWorld, you know, the ones who live much longer lives, have intellectually stimulating toys, are safe, are regularly checked out by a whale-vet and get loads of attention. Yep, PETA thinks those whales are enslaved. Because they perform. But what of living expenses and food? The whales don’t pay for those. And tank cleaning, and training. The whales don’t pay for those. So perhaps it’s a bartering relationship?
       PETA is declaring that the U.S. Constitution doesn’t state that those rights belong only to humans, therefore the whales are slaves.
       One of the whales listed is Tilikum, the whale responsible for the death of the SeaWorld trainer last year. In that vein of thought, perhaps we should try him for murder? But was it involuntary? Voluntary? Premeditated?! Oh wait– we can’t ask him. Because he’s a WHALE. Which means he can’t TALK. If we have no way of communicating with him, however will we try this ‘slave’ for murder?
       And PETA, what about those manatees? You know, the ones rescued by wildlife groups and given sanctuary at SeaWorld and Disney World, fed immensely and who float around in their tanks eating all day? Are they slaves? Those same manatees who are covered with deep gashes, some healed, from motor boats in the ocean? Should we try each of those motorists for a hit-and-run? Even though they may not have seen the manatee or even known they hit it? Perhaps the manatees can each give a description of each of the boats that afflicted them.
      Oh–Wait a minute. THEY CAN’T TALK EITHER. Huh. Whatever will we do? Oh I Know!!! We can provide them a safe place to live, educate the public on the dangers that we, the public, pose to their health and wellness in the wild, encourage breeding and conservation, keep them well fed and make sure they are always comfortable and— oh, that could get quite expensive. Wherever could we find a facility to house all these animals and educate the public about them?
     Right– I know of one. SeaWorld. Uh-Oh PETA– I think you’re in over your head here. Perhaps this great white whale(s)–oops, wrong story–is just an obsession? Oooh, I love literary and life parallels! PETA is the obsessed captain–with an entire chapter on the whiteness of the whale– and the SeaWorld whales are…the whale. Obsession, obsession.

The problem is, quite honestly, if PETA weren’t so crazy they might actually accomplish something. Perhaps if they put their efforts into outsing Michael Vick as Nike’s continued spokesman– seeing as how he served time for animal cruelty and whatnot– then people might respect them instead of mock them. Heck, I’m all for animal rights. But I’m not throwing red paint on anyone, am I? Perhaps the best way to draw attention to your cause is by installing public faith in your cause. You’ll get a lot more done with a larger group behind you than you will by people mocking you about suing for whale-freedom. The more people who support you, the more people who will work together to get things done. Power in numbers. We learned that in elementary school. Of course, I’d tell them this, but I think red paint would look a little too Christmas-y with my green eyes.

Cruising Craigslist
     Ah, Craigslist. That slightly creepy but often useful website for getting someone else to pay for your junk. Okay, it isn’t all junk. I’ve sold stuff there and bought stuff there. Sometimes I cruise CL  looking for treasure amongst the rubble, oftentimes I’m just looking for entertainment. Either way, the spelling and grammar errors will always make me groan and cringe and wish I could e-mail the post-er an edited version of their ad.
    I was looking for entertainment the day I looked at their Art/Media/Design postings under Jobs. A major motion picture is being filmed in Anchorage right now (I’d want to see it, but it’s both a horror film and based on a true story, so it looks like I won’t be, seeing as how I’m a wuss and all) and I wanted to see if they needed extras or whatever.
    I shouldn’t have been surprised by what I found. I really shouldn’t have. But I was. An ad looking for “Quirky Alaskans” for a reality T.V. show they’re filming; preferably ones with guns.
     Every single person I’ve met in Alaska owns a gun. For real. So do I (though it’s only technically, because my husband owns two. So I’m claiming one so I feel like I belong).
     I tried to find the ad, but it’s gone. Sad day. In any case, they were very specific about who they wanted. Without knowing it, they wanted sourdoughs. There are a lot of Alaska terms used frequently here that you kind of have to live here, know someone who lives here or have been here  to know. Sourdough is one of them. A sourdough is a person who’s lived in Alaska for a long time, an old-time Alaskan.
      What concerned me about that post wasn’t that it was yet another  terrible reality T.V. show set in Alaska, but rather that it’s reality T.V. yet they know exactly what the plot will be already. And that’s when I realized the problem with ‘reality T.V.’. It isn’t reality because they already know exactly what they’re going to convey. It’s not a collection of interesting stories about amazing people who happen to live in Alaska; they want to present Alaska as one big state full of crazy gun owners with fish bones still in their beards, antlers on the wall and a bear knocking on the front door.
       Reality T.V. should be more like a research project; a collection of interesting tidbits that you string together by a single commonality (in this case, living in Alaska). I know a ton of interesting people up here who would be interesting to the whole country. But will they be on the show? Of course not. They don’t fit the pre-determined mold that the producers decided they want. Who will be on the show? Actors. Actors who live in Alaska and want to be on T.V. The ad detailed exactly who they wanted– the actors have a part to fill. So be prepared, when you see T.V. shows about living in Alaska, that it isn’t really like that.
     In fact, when we first moved here there was a big hoopla about a show being shot here. I forget the show, something about looking for gold or being an outdoorsman or fishing. Anyway, a group of men were camping. A bear came near their camp. They presented it as dangerous, when really the bear walked away. In the show, they made it look like the bear came back. They shot the bear. They’re heroes! No. They got a PERMIT to shoot the bear, it was a different bear than the one that had come near their camp; in fact, they went looking for it. So a bear died when it didn’t do anything to deserve being killed. It didn’t charge; it didn’t even go near their camp. Thanks, reality T.V. A bear in Alaska NOT bothering anyone was shot, while one that was interested in the human camp wasn’t. Great job.
   

So there you have it: what happens when I’m denied my Disney fix. I’ll hopefully be watching Brother Bear tonight, unless Home on the Range actually arrives. Thus snarky/sarcastic narrator will retreat and Disney-centric one should return. Until then…. 🙂

One thought on “A Case of DW (PETA and the Whale, Cruising Craigslist)

  1. This unusual court case involving SeaWorld and the big bad weasel of animal rights (note the unbiased assessment of People Embarrassing the Tidewater Area) actually involves THREE parties: SeaWorld, Pathetic Egotistical Tyrants for Animals and a quintet of very fine Shamus who hadn't counted on being dragged into a court case against their will by Pathetic Egotistical Tyrants for Animals. The verdict: Shamu 100, SeaWorld 3, People Eating Tasty Animals zero!People Eating Tasty Animals: The Krazy Ku Klux Klan of animal rights since 1980

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