We’re Southern; we drink a lot of sweet tea. Here’s an email I recently sent to my hubby after his epic fail of an attempt to make sweet tea.
Marriage Lesson 552: How NOT to Make Tea, Or Obey your wife when she instructs you how to make tea (something you do once a month and she does twice a week)
This afternoon, I politely requested THREE (3) times to NOT put sugar in the top part of the tea maker. Then I demanded it. Alas, your ears have failed you and your inner inventor has died a slow, painful death (which I also had to clean up). Here is how to NOT make tea:
Option 1) Put filter in tea maker. Fill with tea bags. Top with sugar. FAIL
Option 2) Repeat option 1 in the event an unaccounted variable has been accounted for. FAIL.
Option 3) Pour 1.25 cups of sugar in tea maker. Top with filter and fill with tea bags. FAIL.
3.A: When heat and sugar combine, the sugar changes from a solid into a liquid. If the sugar is not heated for long enough, the liquid will then turn back into a solid (only stickier) and form a SOLID brick of sugar in the tea canister. Our tea canister has ridges. I would love for you to repeat this attempt and then try to clean it up. Cleaning re-solidified, and therefore superglue-esque sugar, out of the little ridges is not an easy task. It is truly a miracle our tea maker didn’t EXPLODE. (Or at least overflow).
In an effort to avoid future failures, here is how to PROPERLY make tea using our tea maker:
1. Fill water to fill line on pitcher, pour into tea maker.
2. Put filter in tea canister. Place 4 tea bags in filter. Place in tea maker.
3. Fill pitcher with ice to fill line.
4. Top ice with 1.25 cups sugar. Place lid on pitcher.
5. Position pitcher under tea maker. Press “Brew”.
6. Once tea has completed brewing, discard used tea bags and filter. Return tea maker to original position. Stir sugar and tea until sugar is completely dissolved. Enjoy a refreshing drink without pissing off your wife.
As a failsafe, harken back to Marriage Lesson 1: ALWAYS listen to your wife.
And if that fails, try number 2: She is right. You are wrong. Apologize and move on with your joint lives together.
Isn’t marriage grand?